I just had an enlightening conversation with my husband, Andy. After 15 years together (5 dating & 10 married) we have finally come to the conclusion that I focus on the "MICRO" details of our family while he is responsible for the "MACRO" details .... the bigger picture. Perhaps wer're a bit slow on the take ... you may have figured this out years earlier than us in your relationship.
What was enlightening about this mundane fact is that we finally concluded that NEITHER of our roles is more important than the other and BOTH are INCREDIBLY stressful.
I would describe myself as the "Chief Operating Officer" of the household ~ the one responsible for the details ... all things mundane yet CRITICAL of the bottom line. We can't function without the details. Kids have to make it to school on time ... social structures for my 3rd grade daughter are AS important (if not more so) to her as her grades are .... my 5 year old must learn to read in this critical time period of elementary school .... AND my 2 year old needs to feel secure in her routine of having MILK while we rock at night WITH 5 different stuffed animals in our rocking chair before bed.
In harmonic contrast, my husband has always been the "Chief Executive Officer" .... the one with the mainstream "job" .... responsible for the "MAJOR" decisions that impact the BIG picture of our household, retirement, savings, overall livelihood! VERY BIG & HEAVY stuff!
What was SO amazing about our conclusion tonight is that there really is NO meshing of the 2 roles. For YEARS we have been trying to have each other understand the importance of our reason for BEING .... almost like our sense of "purpose" depended on it ....
I wanted him to understand HOW important it is for my daughter to have GOOD friends, to have a self esteem, to know that her opinion matters .... while he wanted me to understand that interest on a credit card is worse than charging the item for "convenience" in the first place. We're BOTH right ... there is NO winner ... just a lot of co-parenting & shared responsibility going on.
I'm SO thankful that we both care so passionately about our precious family to argue about the MICRO and the MACRO. At the end of our conversation we came out respecting our roles and appreciating the heavy responsibilities we each bear .... and appreciative that we are able to have confidence that we are each treasuring our responsibilities (whether mundane like my daily carpool gig ~ or globally important like my husband's job).
It underscores the even more important role of our family handbook. He has the safety of knowing that the "road map" of the mundane responsibilities that I take such pride in are documented in a place that he can reference in a pinch.
He has safety in knowing that I am "all over" the Halloween party I am in charge of tomorrow for the kindergarten class .... but that he could figure it out if he had to. Likewise, if I had to understand in a split second the financial web he is in charge of for our family's future, I do know who to call and how to be on top of the "macro plan" in a New York Minute.
That leads us to the DOG ... our CRAZY, precious new family mascot "Hemingway" ~ he is a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel who has us all wrapped around his 4 little paws. He has thrown us for a loop ~ both "MICRO" speaking & "MACRO" speaking. He was expensive (i.e. NOT in the financial plan) .... purchased to appease my 8 year old (who we promised at age ONE that we would buy her a dog by the time she was 7 .... what were we thinking???) So ironically enough HE IS the common denominator tying this all together .... he is the "wrench in the works" that makes us laugh and cry each time we realize that adding him to our family was a CRAZY decision we made together ....
Our dog ... the crazy decision that Andy & I BOTH made from a MACRO and MICRO perspective together .... a common denominator we can both agree was fatally flawed but pricelessly adorable and equally loved. How funny that a four legged friend can come to symbolize something so "micro" and "macro" to a marriage 15 years in the making .....
All the best to you and yours!
Lori
