I learned a wonderful lesson from a client today. Setting expectations from the outset is VERY important ... even critical. Delays happen ... life gets in the way of meeting deadlines... but setting expectations from the very beginning allows everyone to plan accordingly and hence, avoid frustration.
The same can be said for parenting our children. Setting expectations at the BEGINNING of the school year (or even just the beginning of the DAY) is the BEST way to ensure everyone understands the household rules & responsibilities.
Last night an amazing 3rd grade teacher at my daughter's school said that she is teaching our children to "begin with the end in mind." She wants them to begin their work, begin their day, begin their friendships, begin their family relationships, begin all things with the END result in mind. WOW! I was blown away with her wisdom! If we all lived our lives this way, world peace would be within reach!
Well, at the end of today I would have settled for peace in my own home. Unfortunately, chaos ensued in my house today! The volume at our home was at its worst from 4pm to 8pm. You probably know this time of day well .... when the kids are tired, mom is tired, everyone is hungry, and frustrated ... just to name a few. All of the children need their own down time but end up competing for your attention while you struggle to fix dinner.
At 4pm today the volume at our home was SO loud that I am surprised my neighbors didn't call to find out what all of the screaming was about! In case any of my wonderful neighbors are reading this, the volume can be summed up as follows .... Molly grabbed a toy from Charlie, who grabbed it back, who then in turn ran away from Molly .... who then ran through the house screaming bloody murder trying to get it back .... then the puppy (who was supposed to be on a walk with Emma who did not follow through with her responsibility) joined the chaos by chasing them both all over the house and ended up having an accident in Charlie's room ... Charlie then began to scream again because of the mess on his carpet .... ughhhh.
Needless to say, the start to our school year has been rough and tonight I have decided to adopt the lessons learned from both my client and our 3rd grade teacher .... 1. "Set Expectations" .... and 2. "Begin With The End In Mind."
Tonight the family rules will be unearthed from our family handbook and posted on our fridge as a reminder of our "expectations." I will probably take the time to laminate them and post them in other places around the house. Our rules are pretty basic, but a refresher is definitely needed to "re-set those expectations."
(rules directly from the Martin Family Handbook)
1. Treat Others As You Want to Be Treated
* No Hitting, No Grabbing, No Kicking
* Use Kind Words
* Use your words when your feelings are hurt, not your actions
* ALWAYS tell the truth, even when you think it will get you into trouble
2. Treat Our Possessions with Respect* Do not jump or climb on furniture
* Clean up when you are through playing
3. Have Fun
* Families are special, enjoy your time with each other
* Laugh Every Day
* Encourage Each Other and Celebrate the Good Times
My children will wake up with a visual reminder of our family rules & expectations. Their day will begin anew as we start with "a peaceful end in mind." Then tomorrow we will review them after a peaceful family dinner (that I prepare in advance while the baby is sleeping). My promise to myself .... to wake up tomorrow morning with the "the end of a peaceful day" in mind.
I’ll let you know how it goes .... All the best!
Lori Martin
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
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